Mass Effect 3

THE BUZZ: Is your high-definition console in danger of taking one to the chest from some Reaper scum? Well, have I got good news for you!

EGM’s TAKE: Calibur11 sees a huge problem with the world of home gaming—our consoles are just sitting there, completely unprotected from enemy gunfire or well-placed melee hits delivered by drunken alien slimeballs who have been caught in the act of no-goodery!

And so, they offer up a solution: the Mass Effect 3 Vault, a replica of Commander Shepard’s N7 armor that will make your Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3 fully ready for any of the dangers outer space travel will have to throw at it!*

For only $89.99 of your Earth dollars, the product details on GameStop’s page for the Mass Effect 3 Vault promise the following benefits:

• Numbered Certificate of Authenticity
• Included DLC code for “bonus items in ME3′s multiplayer experience”
• Exclusive Mass Effect 3 Armor Design
• Two mode LED Light Up N7 Logo
• Commander Shepard textured chest piece
• Mass Effect 3 code for bonus Multiplayer items.
• Battery Powered Lighting Effects
• Includes Headset / Controller Cradle
• Compatible with all Calibur11 Vault Accessories
• Does Not Void Your Console Warranty

I would totally get one of these for my poor, unprotected Xbox 360, but the Mass Effect 3 Vault only promises to “show Shepard at his best”—meaning there’s no FemShep version available. My tall, statuesque Xbox 360 is all woman—and no matter how hard I try to convince her, she just isn’t into the whole cross-dressing thing.

* Note: Mass Effect 3 Vault does not actually protect your Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3 from the more nefarious beings lying in wait in the darkness of space.