Welcome to EGM’s Weekly Wrap. Each Friday, we round up the biggest news stories from the past seven days, along with some of the smaller but still interesting developments that may have flown under the radar, all in one convenient place for you, our dear readers.
This was the week where dreams went to die. Rockstar squashed all hopes of GTA V single-player DLC, Microsoft stopped manufacturing the Kinect, and accusations against the owner of NeoGAF finally confirms that literally every man in power who has ever existed has committed sexual assault.
Here’s a rundown of this week’s top stories and others you may have missed:
This Week’s Top Stories
Mass Effect: Andromeda‘s story will continue in an upcoming novel, leaving it up to the reader’s imagination to recreate terrible facial animations.
The U.K. government gave a sufficiently bureaucratic response to a petition by saying that it’s going to look into whether or not it’s possible to potentially interpret loot boxes as a form of gambling targeted at children.
Physical copies of Destiny 2 Limited Edition on PC didn’t actually come with the disc, replacing it with a disc-shaped piece of cardboard, which is actually a pretty good way to describe Destiny 2, come to think of it.
The Kinect officially became the Fats Domino of gaming peripherals this week by dying even though everyone already thought it was dead.
Nintendo declared its plans for world domination by revealing that Animal Crossing Pocket Camp for iOS and Android will completely destroy all productivity and social interaction, thus ensuring the downfall of humanity.
Battle.net finally entered the 20th century by adding the much-requested “Appear Offline” feature.
Rockstar shocked fans when it announced that it’d rather make a billion dollars by doing almost no work than make a few million dollars after several months of back-breaking labor.
In Other News…
The Papers, Please movie debuted its first full trailer, proving that you don’t need a huge budget to make a video game adaptation that no one is going to watch.
Bossa Studios officially made the most expensive cry of help of all time by announcing it will cancel development on its next game if 100,000 people don’t play it during a free trial period.
Someone turned a $400,000 Lamborghini into an Xbox controller so they could play Forza Motorsport 7, because apparently rich people are really bored.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles revealed a new arcade cabinet, despite the fact that literally every arcade in America in 2017 looks like a location from The Last of Us.
A Super Mario Bros. speedrunner beat his own record by .35 seconds, and yet the princess he’s looking for still remains just out of reach.
NeoGAF imploded after the site’s owner was accused of sexual assault, and news writers everywhere wondered where the hell they were going to get their leads now.
Patreon decided it wanted to meet the bare-minimum requirements of social decency by enforcing stricter rules on adult-themed games that revolve around incest, necrophilia, and rape.