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Sexuality: What’s The Big Deal?

Posted on May 25, 2012 AT 11:15am

This is fair warning, this piece can, and probably will, make people uncomfortable. It will be controversial. This is strictly my opinion and I do not expect you, the reader, to agree with me. This is not a topic for children. If you don’t like discussing sex or sexuality, then you should probably just back out of here now and don’t bother reading further. My goal is to get people thinking about something that most people don’t think about or at least don’t admit they do. Now that I got the disclaimer out of the way…

Sexuality has always been a hot button topic and it seems to be more so now. The recent release of Mass Effect 3 and its romance options have forced even the gaming community to take a long look at how they define sexuality and its labels. Society as a whole is known for being divided on the topic of sexuality. What one person finds acceptable, another might find reprehensible. Even in this day and age, there is an unwillingness to embrace anyone that strays from the one man/one woman formula of sex. Sometimes it is due to religious belief and other times, it just seems to be a total lack of information. Either way, tempers can flare over what is right or wrong. I have had many years to think over my position on the topic of sexuality and what is right or wrong in my mind. My opinion is not popular and I am okay with that. Go ahead, light the torches and sharpen your pitchforks.

Here is how I define the terms of sexuality. A heterosexual is a person who enjoys sex with the opposite sex and can become emotionally attached (or in love with) members of the opposite sex. A homosexual is a person that fits the same definition as a heterosexual with the small exception that it applies to members of the same gender. Here’s where it gets murky…bisexual. Personally, I feel that bisexuality must abide by the same rules as hetero/homosexuality. A bisexual is someone that enjoys sex with members of both genders and can become emotionally attached to either gender. It is not just someone that has sex with either gender. To me, that is just a sexual person. They enjoy relishing in sex with whomever catches their eye but they cannot be “in love” with both genders. Confused yet? Read it again slowly and maybe it’ll make sense the second time around. A friend of a friend referred to bisexuals as “pleasure whores” and I think that is a bit harsh. They are just more open to all possibilities of love.

About now, someone is throwing in the argument of religion and screaming at their monitor. Before one can use the argument of religion, they need to look very closely at themselves and decide if they are following the beliefs laid down by their religion completely. Let us take a look at the Bible. It clearly states masturbation is wrong. So before you declare homosexuality or bisexuality an abomination, you might want to put down that bottle of Jergen’s lotion and take up knitting to keep your hands busy. Religious belief also lays down the rule that sex should be for procreation only, or at least people use that argument to prove homosexuality is wrong since two people of the same gender cannot have children. Have you only been having sex when you think you might get pregnant or get your spouse (you are supposed to be married first) pregnant? I thought not. People have sex because it’s fun and pleasurable. How about food? Are you eating pork, shrimp, lobster or any other bottom feeder? If so, another rule broken. Sorry but you lose your right to judge if you can’t even follow all the rules yourself.

There many instances of homosexuality and bisexuality in the animal kingdom. Humans are part of that kingdom so we can hardly expect to be different. The Bonobos seem to have the right idea. They use sex to solve conflicts, offer appeasement, reduce stress, establish social status, express excitement, reproduction, and of course to show affection. They do not pay any attention to gender and use any variety of positions. Think how quickly wars would have ended if the leaders of the countries were required to settle their difference through sex? Okay maybe that picture of Hitler and Winston Churchill you now have in your head is not a pretty one but I am sure you can see my point.

Did I just hear someone yell “morality?” Morality is pretty subjective when it comes to sex. What one culture finds morally offensive, another might embrace as morally beneficial. There are cultures that practice polygamy, monogamy and even wife-swapping. They would look at our society and feel a moral outrage that we do not practice what they feel is the sexual, moral right. Let’s face it, some people are meant to be monogamous, some are not, and some are perfectly content to remain alone. How can we say one group has it all wrong and one all right when nothing works exactly the same for everyone? I do not feel premarital sex is wrong either. If the people having premarital think it’s right for them, then it is. When entering into a long term relationship like marriage, where there will be sex. It’s good to know what you like and don’t like so that your partner knows how to please you. By that same token, you will also know how to please them and be comfortable discussing it.

We don’t start our lives knowing exactly what we are and there are instances of people trying to deny their true selves like the politicians that are homosexual but marry to try to project the idea they are “morally correct” to an intolerant society. Why should we be so intolerant? Is it the fear of confronting ourselves and being faced with a truth we can’t handle? Gamers were up in arms over male Shepard being able to have a “gay” romance option. If the guys can have a heterosexual romance and FemShep could have a homosexual one with another female character, why should BioWare ignore the other gamers that would prefer to have a homosexual male option? They purchase games too and have every right to have their character represent what they are just as other gamers do. I apologize, I forgot, the idea of two men having sex is disgusting…to you. There are women out there that find the idea pretty hot just like there are men that think two girls having sex is hot. Don’t be shocked. Women think about sex just as often as men. Why do you think they make sex toys anyway? They aren’t just for lesbians. Straight women use, and enjoy them, as well.

Sex is sex and it’s not wrong to have sex. As long as all the adult parties involved are in agreement, why should it be anyone else’s job to judge their choices? Sex is healthy, normal, and natural. Whether it is masturbation or sex with a partner, it is a fact of life. We need to embrace our sexuality, hold it up to the light and be proud of it. Sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. Only by learning about ourselves sexually, can we even begin to please our partner(s) and be a part of a healthy, loving, sexual relationship. Yes, you can have sex without love but rarely do you have love without sex, so learning about sex is the best thing for your love life.

Oh and just to assuage any lingering curiosity, I am married to a man and have been for many years. Obviously, I am not writing this with the idea that my life choice is more right than any other. I have put a lot of thought into how I view sex as a whole and what I believe. My choice is my choice, and it is neither better nor worse than anyone else’s choice. Whether you have one partner, many partners or a new partner every night…just be safe and do not ever compromise yourself or choices for anyone else. I am not saying you should go out and have sex with hundreds of people. What I am saying is you should never be ashamed of yourself sexually and if you want to have sex with hundreds of people, you should always have the right to choose to do so without being judged.

Carly "PoisonPinkFluff" Frith is a little sugar, a little salt, and a whole lot of personality. Gamer, general geek and beer aficionado. Just call her a tomboy in high heels. She is on Twitter: @DN_PinkFluff.

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