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WTF Wednesday: How to Get a Girlfriend [XBLIG]

Posted on April 3, 2013 AT 05:06pm

Every now and then I find a WTF Wednesday game that is so out there and head scratching that I can’t even come up with a witty commentary to describe how WTF it really is.  Take a look at this weeks ironically titled How to Get a Girlfriend by Fusion Gaming.  The entire premise of this “game” is to teach single individuals how to attract women by answering some really bad and generic situational questions and providing feedback on how the user responded.  Let me give you a little walkthrough so you can see how far I got:

Ok….so answer A would probably leave me sad and lonely so that’s not right.  Answer X is a bit too desperate and cheap, even by my standards.  Choice Y would probably lead to a black eye and being thrown out of the bar by a large and burly bouncer, probably one ironically named Tiny or Snuggles.  Let me go with B….I hope she likes water because that’s all I can afford.  If the girl is super cute I may upgrade that water to a sweet tea or a diet Faygo just to keep things classy.

YES! A CORRECT ANSWER!!!  And a painfully incorrect stereotype added in to the explanation to boot!  On to question 2!

Answer A looks good but I’m so uncoordinated that I can’t even dance with the DDR arrows telling me what to do.  Answer B is a bit too agressive and completely untrue because EVERYONE likes to dance at one point or another.  Answer Y doesn’t work because it wouldn’t help me in this instance.  Let me go with X.  Ladies love a man who can laugh, especially at himself, so maybe said hot girl will find my attempt cute and strangely endearing.

Whoa….total failure followed by a complete and utter insult.  Thank goodness I don’t put too much faith in the opinion of a random game culled from the depths of the Xbox Live Indie game store.  Let me seee if I have better luck with question 3….

Hmmmm, maybe answer A because ladies love an International Man of Mystery.  Wait, no…..that was just a fictional satirical character from a series of cheesy spy comedies, and there is no way Mike Meyers is right about anything…except maybe “Party on Garth!”.  Answer B sounds about right but let me see what else there is on the menu.  Can’t be answer X because that’s just a douche move (To all the guys and girls reading this, NEVER HIT ON HIS/HER BEST FRIEND!  Act like a turd and you’ll get flushed in a heartbeat).  Answer Y doesn’t sound too bad but sounds really close to answer B.  Let me just go with answer B

Oh really?  You want me to take the Austin Powers route Mr. 80 Microsoft Point Indie game?  They say you get what you pay for so steer clear of cheap dating advice from a shallow and mindless bit of programming created only to make a quick buck.  Seriously…….WTF?

James is a complete gaming geek that moonlights as a guitar player for local Miami rock band phoenix/NEBULIN. When he's not rocking out onstage he can be found on PSN and Xbox Live as Anxiety83. You can also follow James on Twitter @anxiety83

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